When
an adult child feels that their parent is difficult it can mean many
things. Are they just not doing what the child feels they should
be doing, like downsizing or moving closer to the children or
grandchildren? Is it because of a life-long challenging dynamic
that only intensifies as the parent ages? Is it an economic issue?
There are many reasons parents –or other aging relatives — are labeled “difficult”. If the relative in question are putting their health and safety at risk and also are competent to make decisions that lead to their questionable judgment, here are some tips that may ease the pain of frustration when trying to help:
1.”Pick your Battles”—a phrase usually associated with raising children, this applies to relating to the older generation as well. Choose the most significant issue (or two) and open discussions about it.
2. Be Patient. Nobody likes to be told what to do and no matter how it’s presented it is usually accepted as that. Change takes time. Whatever situation you are facing did not happen overnight and it’s not going to resolve overnight either.
3. Involve the Relative. No involvement, no commitment. Provide good choices for them so they feel they are part of the solution. See number 2.
4. Keep your Relationship. Don’t make the situation the only topic you talk about. Enjoy positive experiences with them otherwise you will be viewed negatively.
5. Get Professional Help. Professionals can help work through the issues, see situations you cannot and are not part of the family dynamic. They can play “bad cop” too.
